Joy of living in Florida

My mother said she has a lizard in her bedroom. My mother does not like lizards. I like my mother. I like lizards. But I like mom more. Lizards can’t cook. Mom can’t cook lizards.

My job was to ‘catch’ the lizard. How the F**** do you ‘catch’ a lizard?

Dad found out mom has a lizard in HER room. Dad’s job was to tell me to catch the lizard.

I went to the house…to catch the lizard. That was my job. (dad successfully completed his job).

Not just any lizard…we call em skinks. They have blue tails and are fast. Very fast. How the F### do you ‘catch’ a fast lizard?

This is the readers digest version of a two hour long ordeal.

The lizard in moms room is now dead and no longer ‘resides’ there. But to show mom that dad and I both did our jobs…the dead lizard is now laid out on the tool used to ‘catch’ him.

I had no idea their tiny little heads were so fragile.

I am kinda that way with spiders. That is why I like lizards.

The mornings here reveal thousands ( yes…10000’s) of teeny tiny little 1/4" frogs that have decided the pool is their new home. The other bazillion are bouncing 'round the pool deck. Heading toward the pool.

Chlorine kills frogs. The frogs are mostly dead by the time we get to them.

The others live, bounce and feed. They feed lizards.

snakes also like frogs. The news is out my house has frogs and lizards. Apparently there is some sort of new bulletin snakes have access to.

we have brown snakes, black snakes (both non venomous) and those snakes that might be king or coral. You have to know some stupid rhyme to know which is which. And even then…you have to be friend with some guy named Jack to live.

The palm trees now have Guinea wasps. Little wasps like yellow jackets but smaller…with bigger punch. and easily offended…sigh.

I have a few little red spots on my hands. I thought it a good idea to trim the palm.

anybody wanna go get a beer?


For years, I had an albino corn snake named Raymond. No frogs or lizards for Raymond – strictly pinkies.

and who pooped in the pool?

Mom? Or is this a trick question?

Holy cow! this damned thread keep popping around the board! cut it out!